You’ve been dating for a while. You have talked about getting married and about the future. He even said he was going to propose! But that was six months ago. When is it going to happen?
Even if your boyfriend has said he will propose, there could be many reasons why he hasn’t. He might be waiting for the perfect time, waiting until finances are more favorable, or working up the courage to ask. It isn’t your fault. Feeling frustrated is normal. Set aside time to talk about it with him without turning it into a fight.
So what is he waiting for? Let’s look at some possible explanations.
Why He Might Be Stalling
Each relationship is different, and each man has his own set of requirements to meet before he’ll propose. Some men don’t wait long at all – they know they want to marry the person they’re with right away.
But some men take longer. Some men want to get themselves into the perfect position to have something to offer. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to marry you. He just wants to make sure that everything is perfect first.
If he’s given you every indication that he wants to be married, he might be setting everything up. If he’s talked about proposing, chances are he still plans to do so.
Weddings are expensive, and married life starts a lot easier if your finances are on stable ground. Your man might be worried about finances or trying to get into an ideal financial situation. Maybe he’s saving up for the wedding, or he wants to buy you an expensive ring.
These things take time. He might want to make it perfect in every way, including the expensive wedding venues, guests, and the perfect dress.
Otherwise, he might want to have enough saved up so that you can buy a house together after you’re married. This may be true if you guys don’t already live together, or if you’re renting a place he doesn’t like. He might just be thinking of your future.
The Perfect Moment
If he said he’d propose, he might have a plan. He might just be waiting for the perfect moment. A lovely dinner, a vacation, or a reservation for the place you love – he might just need the right moment.
You’re going to remember the moment when he proposes forever. It’s going to be a defining moment in your relationship, and he knows this. It could be that he’s just waiting to find the perfect time and place to do it.
The Right Ring
Your engagement ring is an important part of the proposal. There’s so much pressure on him to get the right ring. He must spend the right amount and get something you’ll love. It’s not as easy as you might think.
Perhaps he hasn’t proposed yet because he hasn’t found the perfect ring. He’ll want to get something that will stun you when he gets down on one knee. Something that will impress your girlfriends and your mom. It might just take him a little longer to find it. Not to mention the perfect ring may be expensive!
Even if he’s told you he will propose, he might be working up the courage. The thing is, proposing takes courage. He might not be sure you’ll say yes – even if you’ve talked about it before. Your man might just need to work up to it.
Make sure that you encourage him without pushing. It’s important to offer support! You know your man better than anyone, so you’ll know how to make him feel more confident!
Is It About Me?
You might feel like there’s something wrong with you if your man hasn’t proposed yet. Was it something you did? Are you doing something wrong? Did he decide he doesn’t want to marry you? Without talking to him, you can’t know.
But know this: most of that fear is your insecurity talking. Has anything else changed? If he’s acting the same, if he does the same things he did before, then it probably isn’t you.
It Might Be
Before you let your insecurities get away with you, consider this. You might be giving off signals that you aren’t ready.
If you’re stressed out or going through a rough time, he might want to wait.
Have you canceled dinner plans lately? Not been in a great mood? Any of these might be telling him it’s not the right time. That doesn’t mean you’re at fault! It just means that he might be sensitive to your moods. He might know he has to wait to catch you off-guard.
… But It Probably Isn’t
Most likely, his hesitation has nothing to do with you at all. Unless something has changed in his behavior, it’s most likely his hang-ups. He could just be waiting. If he’s distant, irritable, or fighting with you more – those could be signs of other issues.
But if not proposing is the only change in his behavior, don’t immediately think it’s a commitment issue. Don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s about you.
What You Can Do
There’s no organic way you can urge your boyfriend to propose. If he’s already feeling the pressure, dropping hints or bugging him about it is only going to make it worse. You can talk to him about it, but avoid applying pressure.
Ultimately, you should enjoy the moment. If you’re spending your days worried about why he hasn’t proposed yet, you might be missing something. Don’t get your head so wound up in a marriage that you aren’t enjoying your time together.
For now, live in the moment. Enjoy your dates, days, and nights together. And then, when you least expect it, he might just get down on one knee.
What’s My Next Step?
If it’s still bothering you, what do you do about it? What if you just can’t wait anymore? There are some steps you can take, though you should avoid being pushy or demanding about it. You want to tell him how you feel, not scare him off!
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About It
Talking about it in a calm, rational way might help you resolve some of the questions you have. If you can sit down and start a meaningful conversation about your feelings, he might come clean about his.
If nothing is wrong, he’ll tell you. This conversation could ease your fears and make you feel better about your situation. If it doesn’t, at least you know.
He might just open up about his fears, insecurities, and more. Listen and be understanding! Offer him support and let him know that you are there for him.
Don’t Turn It Into A Fight
It’s easy to get frustrated, especially if the conversation isn’t going your way. When you begin to get frustrated, the conversation can easily devolve into a fight. This is probably the worst thing to do in this situation.
Make sure you don’t give in to your frustration. Fighting about a proposal isn’t going to make your situation any better. It might even make your man feel worse. To avoid this, discuss your feelings calmly and openly without becoming angry.
Set Aside Time To Discuss It
Don’t start this conversation out of the blue. Make sure that you both set aside the time to talk about the subject at length, without appointments, work schedules, or other plans getting in the way. Just sit down and be honest. Make sure that no one feels rushed or gives in to frustration while you’re having a calm discussion.
Let him know how you feel in detail. You might even want to write down your feeling in advance, so you know how to best represent yourself away from frustration.
Don’t Sound Desperate
Desperation isn’t about what you say. It’s about the tone of your voice and the way you act. Desperation can come across negatively to some men. When you’re having a calm discussion about the state of your relationship and his proposal, be mindful. Don’t lean into desperation.
Let him know you want to marry him without sounding like you just want to be married.
Should I Propose To Him?
For some women, this is the answer. If you want to marry your man, why not propose to him? Some couples enjoy the tradition, so it might not be for everyone.
Still, both of you might enjoy this a little more. He gets to feel special and wanted (beyond how you already make him feel). You get a definite answer about marriage. Plus, if he’s nervous about it, it might help ease some of his anxiety if you’re the one asking the question.
There are likely perfectly valid reasons why your boyfriend hasn’t proposed, even when he said he would. Unless he is acting different, there’s no reason to suspect that it’s malicious at all. Some men just need a little more time. Or, he could be saving up for something truly spectacular! The best things come to those who wait, but you can always start a dialogue if it’s starting to affect your relationship.
My name is Keren Tayler. I am a stay-at-home mama to three lovely girls, Sarah + Rachel + Hannah. Prior to becoming a mom, I had a successful career in the accounting field, steps away from becoming a CPA. I decided to give up on my career in order to raise my own kids (as opposed to letting a nanny do it, no judgment here :)) I learned a lot and I love sharing it with other moms. Along the way, I also became a Certified Food Handler.